News at a Glance

There’s been a lot of news about us gays as of late…

ILLUSTRATION: Gay MarriageCongratulations to New Mexico and Utah for becoming the 17th and 18th states to legalize same-sex marriage.

Yup, that’s right – it took 17 other states to legalize same-sex marriage before the state with the most practicing polygamists decided they’d jump on the bandwagon of deviancy and say okay to the gay. I wonder if this means if I move there I can get married to multiple women?

Unfortunately it doesn’t seem my home state will be legalizing it any time soon, what with their creation of ‘rape insurance’ and all. What? You didn’t hear?

Yes, Michigan has become the latest state to require women to purchase ‘abortion insurance’ as abortions will no ku-xlargelonger be covered under a standard policy. So either you purchase a ‘rape rider’ or plan ahead for the next time you’ll be sexually assaulted and buy some right before it happens. Although if you dress like you’re asking for it, the insurance company might decline coverage based on a pre-existing condition of ‘slut’.

Unfortunately, Michigan is not the first (nor probably is it the last) state to require women to purchase separate coverage. Eight other states offer no coverage for abortions in a general policy. Out of those eight states, just one, Utah (another surprise), offers an exception for victims of sexual assault.

So in other words, a lot of lawmakers feel that if you are sexually assaulted and end up pregnant because of it, you are not a victim, but a special woman who gets to carry a gift from God.


Also in news, Phil Robertson, one of the bearded rednecks from ‘Duck Dynasty’ on A&E said some stupid shit about a-e_network_logohomosexuals and was yanked from the show. Now the rest of his bearded clan are threatening to leave.

I hope they do.

Good ole Phil was doing an interview for GQ when he commented (I’m paraphrasing) about homosexuality, saying one could ‘morph it out’ to bestiality and sleeping with multiple women. So in other words:

Homosexuality => Bestiality => Whores => Downfall of Mankind

Now, I understand that according to some, all sin is equal in the eyes of God. But how is honest, true love between two consenting adults a sin? Somehow I don’t think so…especially since sin affects others. My homosexuality affects no one. It doesn’t take away anyone else’s freedoms.

I’m really surprised by all the outrage at A&E’s move to suspend him…

You know, because celebrities shouldn’t ever be held responsible for their actions when they say  or do something stupid…


Pussy_Riot_by_Igor_MukhinAnd Russia, in a show of…well, I don’t know what to call it…announced it will be releasing the imprisoned members of Pussy Riot and Greenpeace.

This is, of course, a move to clear out the prisons in time for the Sochi Olympics, when they will be refilling the prisons with homosexuals and their supporters.


On a related note, Obama responded to Russia with a giant ‘Fuck You’ by choosing three openly gay athletes to Sochi 2014 protestrepresent the United States in the Winter Olympics, and has decided not to attend the Olympics, snubbing Putin’s invitation to come and sit next to him. I hope Putin’s nose doesn’t get too bent out of shape…



‘Excuse me, sir…this is the women’s restroom…’

So I like to gender bend. Mostly, I just like to dress how I feel most comfortable. And that just happens to be in men’s clothes. They last longer, they fit me better, and they don’t come in pink with glitter (unless you really want them to).

download (2)But just because I dress in men’s clothing does not mean I am a man. And that aspect of me does not give you the right to ask me if I am in the right bathroom. I’m 33 years old. I think I’ve figured that part out by now.

Hey you. Yeah you…the lady with the screaming three year old who keeps peeking under the stall wall at me doing my business. Do you pee standing up? No? Neither do I. I guess I’m in the right place then.

And you. Yeah, you over there behind the cash register. See these? These are called breasts. Yes, men have them too, but unless they’re a drag queen, they won’t be perky and firm like mine. So there’s no need to call me ‘sir’.

It's the hipster, anti-government version of The Village People
It’s the hipster, anti-government version of The Village People

Oh, and I haven’t forgotten about you, you high school douche bags. Yes, I see you staring at me. I have earphones in…I’m not wearing a blindfold, you idiot. You can’t tell me you’ve never seen a lesbian before…I know you’ve seen Finding Nemo (I think it’s about as intellectual a movie as you can handle). So you know Dora, then. Well, she’s a lesbian. Technically, the woman who does the voice of Dora is. Her name is Ellen DeGeneres. I’m sure you’ve heard of her. I promise I’m not an anomaly or a product of a tear in the fabric in time. There’s more than one of my kind.

Have I ever been with a man? Sure. I’ve been with men on elevators, on the bus, at work…wait…oh, you mean sexually! Gee, don’t I feel foolish. No I haven’t. If I liked men, I wouldn’t be a lesbian then, would I? So, have you ever been with a horse?Confused

I haven’t found the right guy, huh? No, you’re right about that. Because generally, guys don’t have vaginas. As it turns out, I’m not even looking for guys. I’m pretty confident that I like women. I’ve been meaning to ask you…have you found the right abortion doctor yet? Oh, you weren’t even looking for one…funny that.

So which one of us is the man? See, that’s the amazing thing about us lesbians. We’re interchangeable. We come with removable penises. Sometimes my girl is the man, and she attaches her penis, and sometimes I want to be the man, so I put mine on. And sometimes, when we’re feeling really frisky, we both put our penises on and compare sizes. Most of the time though, we detach our penises and keep them in the nightstand next to the bed for easy access. In your heterosexual relationship, which one of you is the man?

download (3)
There’s just so many vitamins to choose from…

Do I like being gay? No. I hate it. I tried to pray it away, but that didn’t work. Then I tried vitamins. Nothing.  I was going to try being with a man, but then I realized I actually love being who I am. And part of who I am includes sliding between my girl’s thighs and going to town. Let me ask you – do you like being completely out of touch?

And no, just because I like dildos doesn’t mean I should just be with a man. If that were the case, you heterosexual bastard, you should just replace your butt plug with a gay embarrassed-flashissueman, because you’re already half way there. Oh, and you should also consider that every time you enter your woman’s back door, you’re performing the same action as two gay men having sex. I’m laughing now because you’re going to think of that every time you want to penetrate your woman’s ass. Have fun with that.

How is it real sex? Well, it just is. How do you answer that question when your wife asks you?

A threesome? Yes. Because I totally want your flaccid dick flopping around and making a mess of things. No, I’m good. I like my twosome just fine. You want to watch? Well, I suppose if you’re looking for pointers on how to properly please a woman, you can watch. Might want to take notes though. Things can move a bit quickly when we really get going.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI’m sinning? Well, I suppose if there is a god, and he’s peeking into my bedroom, the whips and chains might make me a sinner. Or the fact that on occasion, when we’re going to town, shouts of “Oh, God!” coming from the bedroom (or wherever we happen to be when the mood strikes) might make me a sinner. I thought it was a rather appropriate praise of ‘his’ name, though. Because if you believe in that, we’re made in his image, right? I was just worshiping at a temple…

What do my parents think? Well, since they’ve never seen me in action, I haven’t gotten any feedback from them, so I can’t answer that question. So what do your parents think of your sexual intercourse?

The towels? Well, sometimes we work up a sweat when we jump. 5 times is a lot...
The towels? Well, sometimes we work up a sweat when we jump. 5 times is a lot…

How does it work? Well, see, it’s like this…before we assume the position, we make an offering to our goddess, Melissa Etheridge. Usually we’ll burn some incense and light some candles, and then sacrifice some flannel in her name. After that, we strip naked, rub our belly while tapping our head and jump five times. Then we sit down and watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer – the TV series, not the movie.



No, I’m not a man. Nor do I want to be one. Why do you wear men’s clothes? Oh, because they fit well and feel comfortable. Huh. Isn’t that interesting? Those are the same exact reasons I wear guy’s clothes. What do you know? Maybe we’re not all that different.

News At A Glance

So…Pat Robertson…you know, that old ‘Christian’ codger who is older than dirt and apparently just as intelligent? Yeah, he’s at it again.

Apparently he’s abandoned the claim that gays wear rings with little spikes in them to prick others and give them AIDS. No, I’m not kidding:

Somehow the man is still relevant. I don’t know how, but now he’s saying that bringing a lesbian into your home will make your kids gay.

I know, I know…I ask why are we giving the shriveled idiot face time, and then I go and post videos of him. It’s important to know what our enemies are up to, regardless of how dried out and irrelevant they are. Because there are still those who proclaim to be Christian and eagerly subscribe to his brand of ignorance.

So yeah, apparently being in close proximity to a lesbian means you could potentially catch the gay. I’m looking forward to the day he turns to the medical community to come up with a vaccination for homosexuality.

I wonder how long it will take for him to backpedal on this one, too? I’m half tempted to find the guy, shake his hand with a joy-buzzer, then rub up against him and point and laugh when he has a heart-attack.

In worldwide news, India banned gay sex.

I’m curious as to how they are going to enforce such a law. Unless homosexuals in India are fornicating in the streets, and if that’s the case, I might have to plan a vacation. Regardless, India just took a 153 year leap backwards by re-instating the law. The UN sides with the LGBT community there, stating that the law violates the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights, which protects the right to privacy and non-discrimination. By being a member of the United Nations, India automatically subscribes to those policies as well.

The law banning gay sex was initially established as a colonial era law, when the British still ruled over India. I just hope that with this reversion into history, they don’t bring back those silly powdered wigs.

And finally, right here in my home state, in my home town, a Republican National Committeeman, Dave Agema, has said that the only reason homosexuals want same-sex legalized is because we’re dying.

Yup, Mr. Agema thinks that we aren’t really looking for equality, and that all we want is free medical treatment for our partners, and we’ll even make claims that our partners have AIDS in order to get free coverage. This genius was selected by his fellow party members to represent Michigan in the Republican National Committee. Hopefully this means we’ll be a blue state when the next major elections roll through.

I hope something changes soon, because Michigan is quickly becoming the political laughingstock of the nation.

Get In The Kitchen and Make Me A Sammich!

I’ve noticed there’s been a little shift in coverage regarding LGBT issues. It went from how us gays and lesbians are going to bring down the foundation of all that is good to an attack on the transgender community. Now, apparently, transgenderus queers aren’t nearly so bad as those twisted freaks who can’t be happy with the penis that god gave them.

I can’t imagine what it must feel like to have been born in the wrong body. I can’t even relate any of my personal experiences to that. I would believe there is a huge feeling of betrayal. To look in the mirror and see a stranger looking back at you…I can sit here and contemplate all I want, but I’ll never know what that feels like.

But, what I can feel is a certain degree of empathy when I read the hateful comments and ignorant statements of others.

I’ve read several articles regarding transgender students, and issues when it comes to which restroom is acceptable for them to use. My personal thoughts on the matter: If the student legitimately identifies as a female, then let her use the girl’s restroom, and vice versa. Or, if that isn’t applicable, then create single stall, unisex bathrooms. These kids are struggling enough with their own personal acceptance of who they are without their peers (and adults) ostracizing them from society as well.

What bothered me though, were the comments regarding gender roles, and how, if a boy is a boy, he shouldn’t be

Yes women, in order to be a good housewife, we suggest you take uppers to look cute!
Yes women, in order to be a good housewife, we suggest you take uppers to look cute!

allowed to wear a dress – because of gender roles. That got me to thinking…what are gender roles? My answer? Gender roles were created by a misogynistic society to establish power and inferiority in an attempt to exert control over a group of people who would otherwise be considered equal.

But, that’s just my opinion. Gender roles have existed since recorded history. Men were the ‘breadwinners’ and the women stayed at home and took care of the young’uns. The 1950’s exemplified the gender roles, with magazines like Housekeeping Monthly giving women tips on ‘how to be a good wife’, including telling women that a good wife always 6a00d83451e86969e20154360a03cf970c-800wiknows her place.

Do we still have gender roles? Not in the eyes of most normal, well functioning humans. Women can run corporations, hold positions of political power, be champion athletes, and be as successful as her male counterparts. Gender roles were obliterated years ago, and continue to disintegrate into nothingness.

Another thing people seem to confuse is sex versus gender. A person’s sex is based upon their reproductive organs and their secondary sex characteristics. A person’s gender is their personal identification. Gender is psychological, while sex is more biologically based. So what’s so wrong with a child whose sex is male, but their gender identification isn’t necessarily the same as their biological identification, who wants to wear a dress? Certain cultures, including many Native American cultures, believe in a Two-Spirit person – someone who has both traditional male and female characteristics. I’m not talking about hermaphrodites, or intersexed individuals, but those who may have male genitalia, but identify with more feminine gender aspects.

People want to label the LGBT community as a bunch of individuals with a serious mental disease. I think there is a mental disease in repressing someone’s expression of gender identity. It hearkens back to the stories of nuns beating the knuckles of a left-handed individual because ‘only devil worshipers write with their left hand’.

I enjoy the art of gender-bending. I love the looks I get when I go to the mall and people stare, wondering if I’m a guy or a girl. I get a kick out of the back-pedaling someone does when they call me ‘sir’, only to find out that’s not the case. Now of course, I can go home and stand naked in the mirror and not be disgusted by what I see, so I can only experience part of what a transgender person goes through. But I for one will always promote a freedom of expression of your sexual identity, and I will always do my part to tear down this idea that gender roles 1) exist in the first place and 2) that they hold some kind of power over who we become. drag

There will always be those idiots that try to tear others down. They’re the ones who believe that a woman should be barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen. These are the same idiots that will try and tell a boy that he can’t wear a dress, or tell a girl that she can’t play football. Just remember, these are the same morons that are afraid of lesbians and gays. They’re afraid of anyone different than them.

Embrace who you are. Don’t let anyone tell you who you are supposed to be, because in reality, only you know the answer to that.